I Couldn't Wait & Now I Can Hardly Receive It

White collared shirt tucked tight into khaki shorts, I weave a brown belt ‘round a tiny waist and show him how to buckle and unbuckle. Practicing, his eyes smile proud when he gets it. He jumps into my lap and wraps his arms tight, I hold into this moment deeper than yesterday.

My todays have become soft and quiet. No scuffling feet among the floors, no little voices imitating battle scenes or brotherly brawls I must intervene. My car seats are hollow with no dangling feet to kick my seat. The grocery store runs are empty too, I gaze at the mommy’s with babies in baskets and choo choo trains of tiny feet following. It’s just me at lunch time, an empty table once covered in crumbs, spills and communion of laughter. 

“Grace allows u-turns; it’s Time that doesn’t. ”- Ann Voskamp. There is no career that can replace Jonah’s dimples, no hobby that cure the missing of Jackson’s  laugh, and there is no baby that can bring boys giggles and frills back into my silent hallways. 

 
Wanting to let laundry sit longer, the dishes rest dirty and the toys kept chaotic, all that I may glean ever more deeply from their outrageous questions, silly stories, their snuggles and tears and that energy which seem only to unravel upon a pillow. Grace, that undeserved, hardly able to receive, gift of glory is urging me to take. To take these quieter days and then take hold all the more closely the time given when my home is full.

 

 This is a grace too, to coerce us all into waking up to the here that won’t be here tomorrow.

 -Ann Voskamp

Happy & Blessed Wednesday, Emily  



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