I trace my finger down her nose as her
lashes lay sound on cheeks warmed blush. Nursing her to sleep I pause; click a
mental picture and tell myself "never forget this moment.” I remember similar
pausing with my boys. All three times I’ve inclined of God's ear. Begging,
"Please don’t let me forget this moment. Swaddle it tight in my soul."
The real fear of forgetting. The raw
reality of time rushing forward. The harsh truth that I don't take it all in
and I miss. I miss moments. Perhaps this is why I'm so scared. Why I fear
forgetting. Fear missing. Taking for granted the spinning hands that tick, like
I took with my sister. Maybe I'm preparing in fear for loss or maybe when
you've lost you know loss will come again.
Jackson snaps my camera and
he too asks deep questions of death. He already longs for heaven. In His words, “Mommy
I can't wait to be in heaven where there is no sin. But, I would miss you. Would
you miss me?” Death has not lost it’s sting this side of heaven, it stings
strong. My boys talk about heaven often and we hope together in the day we ALL will be together, perfect in peace
and in sight of glory. Jackson agrees but he says he’s also
really looking forward to see George Washington’s wooden teeth! Laugh at the
days to come, Emily. Laugh at the days to come!
"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion
on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! Isa.
49:15
My days are long. They are not easy. They are also passing me by.
Sunrise to the setting of the same, I praise His name for these three!
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