Hailey Elaine Wolcott
September 25, 1986 - May 22, 2011
The curser blinks at me waiting for words to be typed.... I stare back ,void of words.
"No one can talk away the pain. Grief drains most words of their power anyway." -Sprague
I was her sister of six years older. Now the passing pain of time, days, & years doesn't exist for her anymore. This long parting, somehow mysteriously chosen for me and for the family & friends she left behind
stings strong.
It was in this very aching of passing time, the deep shadows of 'the fall' and the haunting of suffocating depression she could bear no more.So she chose to go.
I sip from a mug she gave me, I rest on the couch that only a mere week ago she rested with me. I pass pictures and she stares back at me. I believe she will walk through my front door yet again.
I hear my boy ask, "Is Aunt Hay Hay all better now?"
I answer the only way I know how, ...
"Yes sweet boy, she's all better. She's with Jesus, she's ALL better.
She's happy, she's safe and their is no more pain, no more tears..
"Do you remember how we've talked about how Jesus will wipe away all our tears?"
His little hand reaches up to my face lined in tears and wipes my cheeks.
Even knowing she's all better the three words I battle wearisome each day...
"Why?" ... "What if..."
Then strangely I find other words of grief comfort me partially ....
' But what about until Heaven? How do you drag a heavy, frozen heart around every day and night? It's exhausting. Like a fever. But cold.
And you think you will never feel very much again. Except the pain. ' - Sprague
To view Hailey's Legacy Link for her Obituary click the link below
Oh Emily my heart hurts for you and your family. You are a sweet momma and tears started falling as I read the part of your boys asking about Haley. She is ALL better now. I love the way you write. It makes me feel like I'm not at distance from you and as if I'm listening to you face to face talk about your feelings.
ReplyDeletePraying for you, your family, and asking for healing.
love, Cristy and Ben
Emily, I continue to ache for you. Praying for tender moments of encourgement for you each day. Lots of love to you. I know you were such a loving and gentle big sister. Big hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteEmily.... Your words are beautiful, yet painful... I'm in tears yet again as I read it and look at her beautiful picture... while I can never fully feel your heartbreak, I know it's there. I am grieving for you and your family. My heart has been heavy and full of tears since I read your email last Tuesday. Like your quote says, there are no words that will make any of this any better or take away any of your pain. For some reason, last Thursday a student of my mom's gave to her an old hymnal book as a present for teaching her piano. I just opened it, not knowing what it was, and the page I immediately came to was "It is Well." This was just hours after Hailey's funeral. I will continue to pray for you and for Hailey and for all your family that this will be so... that it WILL be well... and that she is no longer suffering.
ReplyDeletetears fell from my face as I read this. My heart aches for you. And Sprague is right, words can not talk away the pain. I pray for the Lord's comfort and peace as you walk through this. I am praying for healing for you and your family. Love you girl. Salena
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