A confidence that dwindles low-- loss.
Trust that does not come easy-- loss.
Hope that is crushed--loss.
We lose jewelry, important papers, library books, even scheduled events are forgotten--loss.
When our spouse is not who we thought they were, when divorce hits a ‘steady home’, when children go a way they were not raised, when one is still single late in life, when couples are without child years after trying, when the job isn’t ours anymore or when the close friend talks behind our back, these are all loss and things which are to be grieved.
Youthfulness begins is natural decent from day one. Death is a no-brainer perhaps the most permanent of losses there is.
Currently I face a loss I feel quite unready for. My week days will be a little emptier - well, a lot emptier. I will have two little feet stopping around the hard-woods rather than four, I will have only one back-talking mouth to feed lunch, just one curly head boy to play trains with, and simply one son to snuggle in the lap and read to. They say kids grow up before you know it and so it stands true for me. Kindergarten has swept itself in like an unannounced guest, except it’s not a guest it is a permanent part of our family now.
Meet the teacher night settled some manic nerves but at the end of the day I still feel I am to leap off this educational cliff and entrust my baby to the care of young blonde who when asked how long have you worked here, replied, ‘Eight minutes!’ I give her credit for witty honesty.
Millions of parents have gone before me, I know, but that does not neutralize the very acts of change that are closing in. This loss I will try and gather well will begin next Monday the 27th and I won’t fully know the ache of my loss before I walk in it, but I do know in the deepest sense that whenever there is loss there is also a gift to be discovered. For in refining don’t we lose the old to gain the new? One thing I know for sure I will gain, is a morning sunrise and that will mean a loss of shut eye so that I may gaze its glory; even if my gaze is with weary eyes, a tired fame in re-worn sweats, a rats nest of hair and strong coffee in hand.
Would love your comments or wisdom from those who’ve gone before me!
I so appreciate how honest you are with what you are going through! The season you are in now is such a crazy time of transition. I wish I had something to offer that is profound, but definitely give that gift you're speaking of a little bit of time to develop. You probably won't even have to look for it. The gift will find you first.
ReplyDeletePS-I can tell that your faith is being strengthened just from this post! You're a first-time kindergarten mom having the wherewithall and perspective (and faith!) to look through ache and loss for something redemptive. That's faith, alright. I'll be praying for you Monday morning!
Thank you Angie! Your words have encouraged me much.
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